Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
