how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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