Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
