Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
