I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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