Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
