I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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