just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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