he wants to bone in the snuggie
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We were destined to go to rehab together
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
