is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
