Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
