I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize