She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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