non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It's official drugs can't kill me
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
