Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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