i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
