If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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