I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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