i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
