my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i came on her dog
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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