singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I will pee on everything he values.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize