she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
