i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
