I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
