1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
