Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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