Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
nutella sex= disaster
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
