maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i wish my penis had a tongue
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
