Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
