I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
