I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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