Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
