I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
