one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
