We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
