This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
