I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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