I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
