Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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