Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize