Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
