Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
