I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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