thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
