OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize