oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
