Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
