No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
