one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
