You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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