he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
