ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
