i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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