I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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