I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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