Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
