Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
