There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
