i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
