Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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