She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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