Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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