i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
