god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just invented taco cereal.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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