Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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