Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
