so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
