he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
