hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Randomize
