did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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