i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize