I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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