Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
