I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
This toilet bowl is my home.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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