And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
